PARTY

Currently feeling: Steady

you think its ok.your doing the right thing.sez who?i dunno wats right anymore.If im doing the right thing why do i feel so fucking bad?im taking the right steps.Im doing this for us both.yeah yeah and all that bullshit.but i still miss her some nights you know?i still feel protective i still worry about her and i miss her hugs and i miss her scent and all the shit that comes with love.but i dont love her anymore or else m not supposed to so why do i feel this way some nights?ok ok shes moved on and i think i have din.wats with tonight?I know im not supposed to feel this way but i do and there's just some nights na there's nothing to do but feel.m so confused tonight you know?and the scary thing is during nights like tonight when i dont know wat i want I kinda think that my lovely girl's not so lovely after all.

taena, before the sem started, all in.yan sbe ko ah.take note.all in. as in putangenang wala akong pakialam sa sasabihin ng iba,sa gagawin nila,reactions,etc. basta gagawin ko. sasabihin ko.eh puta puro yabang lang pala.i was so full of hot air na i didnt realize the fact na puta,it would take so much for me to do this. its supposed to be thought of, planned and finely executed kahit na panget ung outcome. pero puta what happened? thurs, nov.10,reg for the second sem. nakita ko sha nung morning. what happens after that? nag-wave ako ng hand ko sa kanya (in a saying hi manner) and un na un. un na un pare.wala man hug or beso or watever.wala man nga lang words na lumabas sa bibig ko eh. puta pare, i was stunned and swept off in her presence. and dun ko na-realize na puta, mahirap tong (if ever) papasukin ko. it would take away a lot from me. hi na nga lang d ko pa mgawa. 2 letters pare, 1 word, ndi ko pa makuhang i-exhale.putangena chong, patay tyo dito. as in big time. sobrang panis panis na lahat. ndi ko pa sha matingnan straight ha. as in hindi ko sha matingnan.exag nga eh. oa ampota. kase alam kong once i lay my eyes upon her, sasabihin ng buong isip, kaluluwa at katawan kong "there's the girl u'll never have; bring on the pain, bitch." all in pala ah. yeah, right. all in ko muka ko. puro salita lang, puro bullshit. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it!!!!!!!!!tangena.

pero there's always light amidst the darkness. ang galing tlaga and bilib ako sa balancing out of equations ng mundong ito. haha!!

there would most certainly be regrets if i dont tell her.shempre, yan ung, i never really told her how i feel and all that crap. pero there would most certainly be more regrets if i do tell her. and that's regretting the fact na binuhos ko lahat though alam kong walang patutunguhan to. as in zero pare. zero. pero who knows? ill never know what ill do. if mgpatuloy tong pangangatog ko everytime she's around, eh di back out. pero f not, eh di ill tell her. ill get hurt either way anyway.haha. this is so funny.im back to square fucking one. its like we've never met. fuck this shit,bitch.

Currently listening to: bonnie raitt

so you said hi. two letters? pucha pare thats a few steps away from your goal. "I luv u" haha! yun na yun. ano na naman yan pinagsasabi mo? what's with all this regret bullshit? alam mo naman why you have to tell her. You owe it to urself to be honest to ur feelings. stop with the excuses and get on with ur life.  

dboys and girls! due to our own negligence and the unforeseen arrival of the satellite stands, we are now experiencing a calamity of sorts. yes, dameng epal sa bench. teachers, undergrads, ang dame pota! i especially hate the 'magic players'.

dahil humina na rin ang forces natin with the departure of our sister bench, we need to act drastically if we want to retain this aspect of our college life. hindi na gagana yung 'pare barkada ba kita?' apparently hindi versed sa bench culture ang new batches. what's with the disrespect mutha fuckas?!

we suggest spitting on the fuckers' feet. para sa guys lang to. for the girls, pocha ewan ko na. i want my bench back! andame ko breaks eh hehehe.

ano na ba nanyare sa ateneo? what kind of a school is this where one can't discriminate against the uncool? wat the FUCk are they trying to teach us huh?!! the jolofication has begun. not on my time though. yeah right.

Currently listening to: point of view
Currently feeling: yellow

it's always depressing for me to leave. but the moment i step foot in this place, at least i always have something to look forward to - seeing her again.

it's like crawling through the desert and seeing an oasis miles away. with your vision all blurred except for that small clear area in your eye which is fixed on that refuge, you don't care and won't remember how far it was, how long it took to get there or even all the suffering you had to go through, just as long as you reach that body of water. and when you eventually reach that oasis, it's more than bliss; it's life-giving.

Currently feeling: you

i used to be afraid.that she might find out.she might change.we might change.but the inevitability of things happening eventually led to the one thing that i was so afraid of-losing her.now she's gone.now, things are totally different.now,it's like we're complete strangers to one another.now,she's out of my life.completely.do i have regrets?of course i do. i have a lot.but thing is,it's way too late for all this drama.for all this nonsense.now,iv lost that only piece of thread that's sown along the patches of my tattered so-called life.now,i have a big hole once again.a hole big enough for everyone to see,notice and even poke through.she knows.they know.who cares.i put myself in this situation and it is my sole responsibility to get myself out of it.for good.is this good bye?i think so.i just hope im not being unfair.to myself.to everyone else.to her.im only doing what i think is the right thing.this time,im disregarding my heart.or what's left of it.

Currently feeling: crushed